Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
