you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
