i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
