her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
