Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
