Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
