my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
