i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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