I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
