sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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