i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
