I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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