I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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