Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
