I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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