her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
