Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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