I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
