I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
