You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
