i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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