I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
