Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
