who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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