I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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