Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drake has all the answers
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
