Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
