youre lurking in front of me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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