It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize