Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
