In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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