My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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