conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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