Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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