im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
