Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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