the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
