You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
