I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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