So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
