cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Panties = found
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
