she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
