My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize