Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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