I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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