Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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