I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
