if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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