omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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