will power is for people who don't want to get laid
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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