i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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