he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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