he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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