textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
