Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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