Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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