It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
