My cat gives me a boner
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
