if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
