The maid of honor just puked.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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