dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
