I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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