I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
